21 May 2012

The Ideal Mother

For a while now I have been struggling with all the things I should be doing but can't. My little family has been struggling through some tough stuff and I have been battling some negativity in my life. Here are all the things I should be doing as a person, a wife, a mom, a worker, and a member of the church:

1) Pray daily
2) Read scriptures daily
3) Exercise daily
4) Make wholesome meals for my family
5) Spend quality time with my hubby
6) Feed, play with, change, put to sleep, cheer up William
7) Visiting Teaching
8) Work
9) Laundry
10) Dishes
11) Vacuum
12) Attend the temple
13) Do service
14) Blog
15) Clip coupons
16) Keep in touch with friends
17) Look beautiful all the time
18) Do canning
19) Sew/craft
20) Practice piano
21) Go to counseling
22) Visit family
23) Did I mention work?
24) Journaling
25) Family history

This is a whole lot of stuff that I can't do all in one day. 
It gets harder when William keeps me up until 4 or 5 in the morning or if Tyson is having a depression episode. It's even harder since we have no one to watch William while I go to work for 4 hours a day. That makes it harder because Tyson has to watch him which means he can't go to work. The nature of Tyson's job is all 8 hours or none at all. So I am the only one working which wouldn't be that bad except that William is always super fussy for Tyson (William has learned that crying=being given to Mommy) so Tyson can't do chores around the house while I'm gone. 
Most days I feel like I'm drowning in all the stuff I should be doing but just can't get done. Some of these things have gone by the wayside. Some of those things should not be on the sidelines of my life. It has been hard to re-prioritize my life but I am slowly making the necessary changes. 
I signed up for Gold's Gym. That was a hard choice because it's a lot of money per month but I need to be more healthy and exercising helps me manage my stress and I feel more confident about myself. My brother is also a member/trainer there so he's been helping me learn the best way to exercise and he keeps me going when I want to give up. Tyson has been super supportive and he really encourages me to keep going to my classes and he massages my sore muscles and doesn't tease me too much when I whine about how much I hurt.
My house is a disaster. We finally got our room totally clean after like...a year. William's room is a hazardous zone. Right now our living room is littered with clean laundry and baby toys and mail. Our kitchen is almost clean...but not quite. Having a messy home makes me crazy but we are tackling it a little bit at a time. I am determined to have a peaceful home to live in, not a disaster area.
I took myself to the temple last week. It was the first time I could get myself to go in almost a year. It was also the first time in a long time I felt truly beautiful. Going to the temple reminds me that I am a daughter of God, that He loves me, and that I am sealed to my husband and son for time and all eternity. The temple was so peaceful and calm. I loved it. I loved it even though I could only go at 7am after only 4 hours of sleep.
I am working out other things but my blog is one thing I have to let go. It simply is not important right now. My husband and my son have to be my number one priority. I have to make time for myself, too. I can't make menu plans or gourmet food but my boys are fed and they know I love them.
If I can get up, go to the gym, get to work, and cuddle my boys, the day is a success.