The Ideal Mother

For a while now I have been struggling with all the things I should be doing but can't. My little family has been struggling through some tough stuff and I have been battling some negativity in my life. Here are all the things I should be doing as a person, a wife, a mom, a worker, and a member of the church:


1) Pray daily
2) Read scriptures daily
3) Exercise daily
4) Make wholesome meals for my family
5) Spend quality time with my hubby
6) Feed, play with, change, put to sleep, cheer up William
7) Visiting Teaching
8) Work
9) Laundry
10) Dishes
11) Vacuum
12) Attend the temple
13) Do service
14) Blog
15) Clip coupons
16) Keep in touch with friends
17) Look beautiful all the time
18) Do canning
19) Sew/craft
20) Practice piano
21) Go to counseling
22) Visit family
23) Did I mention work?
24) Journaling
25) Family history


This is a whole lot of stuff that I can't do all in one day. 
It gets harder when William keeps me up until 4 or 5 in the morning or if Tyson is having a depression episode. It's even harder since we have no one to watch William while I go to work for 4 hours a day. That makes it harder because Tyson has to watch him which means he can't go to work. The nature of Tyson's job is all 8 hours or none at all. So I am the only one working which wouldn't be that bad except that William is always super fussy for Tyson (William has learned that crying=being given to Mommy) so Tyson can't do chores around the house while I'm gone. 
Most days I feel like I'm drowning in all the stuff I should be doing but just can't get done. Some of these things have gone by the wayside. Some of those things should not be on the sidelines of my life. It has been hard to re-prioritize my life but I am slowly making the necessary changes. 
I signed up for Gold's Gym. That was a hard choice because it's a lot of money per month but I need to be more healthy and exercising helps me manage my stress and I feel more confident about myself. My brother is also a member/trainer there so he's been helping me learn the best way to exercise and he keeps me going when I want to give up. Tyson has been super supportive and he really encourages me to keep going to my classes and he massages my sore muscles and doesn't tease me too much when I whine about how much I hurt.
My house is a disaster. We finally got our room totally clean after like...a year. William's room is a hazardous zone. Right now our living room is littered with clean laundry and baby toys and mail. Our kitchen is almost clean...but not quite. Having a messy home makes me crazy but we are tackling it a little bit at a time. I am determined to have a peaceful home to live in, not a disaster area.
I took myself to the temple last week. It was the first time I could get myself to go in almost a year. It was also the first time in a long time I felt truly beautiful. Going to the temple reminds me that I am a daughter of God, that He loves me, and that I am sealed to my husband and son for time and all eternity. The temple was so peaceful and calm. I loved it. I loved it even though I could only go at 7am after only 4 hours of sleep.
I am working out other things but my blog is one thing I have to let go. It simply is not important right now. My husband and my son have to be my number one priority. I have to make time for myself, too. I can't make menu plans or gourmet food but my boys are fed and they know I love them.
If I can get up, go to the gym, get to work, and cuddle my boys, the day is a success.

The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

This is an email I sent to my parents. I didn't really feel like re-writing my experience so good ol' copy and paste helped me out.


Hey Mom and Dad!

Well, I wanted to send you the link to the Haiti Health Initiative website (http://haitihealthinitiative.org/) because I am going to be an editor for them! Paid, even!

Dad, I told Mom this story but I don't know if she told you.

On Friday, Marc-Aurel (founder of HHI) came to our office looking to post a job for a student editor. He didn't really know what to put on the listing so I asked him about the job requirements and gave him some potential qualifications he could ask for in an editor. After talking with him for 30 minutes, he asked if I was an editor and when I told him I was he asked if I would be interested in working for them. I told him I could not work for free (which is what he wanted from a student editor) but that if they would be willing to pay me, I could definitely edit for them. I gave him a price range, told him about my experience as a student editor at BYU, and pointed out some of my flyer designs that were posted around the office. Marc-Aurel asked for my contact info and said he would discuss the option of paying me with the other two co-founders and he would get back to me. When I didn't hear anything today I figured they couldn't/didn't want to pay me and that is fine. I get it: student for free or pay me. Well, I got an email from him at 12:45am (it's 1:51am right now) saying that they would like to pay me to do a few projects for them this month. 

Can you believe it?! I feel so blessed right now. This will be a wonderful opportunity for me to do editing in a different genre AND what a great resume booster! Editing for a non-profit that is so cool? Totally. I am grateful that the Lord preserved my job as a secretary for me because it has been a HUGE blessing in our lives. My boss and co-workers are amazing and everyday I feel validated that my work and designs are helpful and good. And now I have the opportunity to do editing, from home, and get paid for it, and I didn't have to scour job postings to find it!

Life has been pretty difficult for our little family these past few months but it is moments like these that remind me that the Lord is mindful of our needs and righteous desires. I know that He loves me, that He loves Tyson, and that He is going to help us grow through these special trials.