Weird Dreams

Disclaimer: This is a HIGHLY philosophical discussion that Tyson and I discussed before I posted this. And by "highly" I mean not at all since we know nothing about philosophy or dream interpretation or Freud or Jung or whomever else says intellectual stuff about the subconscious. Also, this particular discussion might seem weird to people so if you're not into dream interpretation and open, trusting discussion between a married couple then you should probably skip this one because I don't really want to be judged for my zany subconscious. Especially if the person I dreamed about is reading this. Although, that is extremely unlikely.

Sometimes I have weird dreams. Usually my dreams are of normalish stuff with normalish people. Or not normalish stuff but directly related to some TV show I watched or book I was reading when I fell asleep. Those two things have caused many dreams about demon chasing with the Winchesters, lawyering with Deb, and running around Europe with Doctor Who or any number of Agatha Christie characters. But last night my dream was weird. 
I dreamed about seeing an ex-boyfriend at someplace random, sort of like a conference or convention. I didn't expect him to be there and I think it might have been a religious meeting so maybe that's why I didn't expect him to be there: he doesn't share the same faith as me. Anyways, it was awkward to see him in my dream and then suddenly his significant other showed up...and it was a dude. 
I'm not homophobic, in fact, I have quite a few gay friends. But I know 100% that this particular ex of mine is 100% into ladies. It totally threw me in my dream, and real life. What the heck does that mean? I need my old roomie Britt to tell me: she loves dream interpretation.
I think it might have something to do with the way our relationship was and the way it ended. I have known this guy for a long time. For the sake of anonymity I'll just say I met him prior to college which would include since I was born so try sorting that out. 
We totally lost contact once I got engaged; I even deleted his number. After I deleted his number and after I was engaged for a while, I received a text from someone saying that they were happy for me and I looked beautiful and happy. They also said that they still would marry me. I didn't recognize the area code - I think it was someone like Wisconsin or Wyoming or some place random like that. If I had to guess who sent me that text, it would be this particular ex. The biggest deterrent for us staying together was that he had no interest in learning anything about my religion. But he kept saying he wanted to be with me and marry me. I told him I would only marry someone who shared my faith so if he was serious about me, he should look into it. And he didn't. So we ended things. 
Tyson thinks that this dream is all about my subconscious trying to resolve what happened between this guy and me. And also trying to resolve the what-ifs surrounding that relationship: What if he had investigated the church? What if I decided to be with him without him being a member of the church? What if, what if, what if...
Our conclusion: my ex manifesting as gay in my dream negates those what-ifs because then they don't matter. Things would have ended no matter which what-if was played out if my dream became true because I could not have remained in a relationship with a gay man. That's just not how it works. 
Like I said earlier though, I'm positive this guy is not gay. But somehow there is a better sense of closure knowing that no matter what there were things about him (probably that he was not a member of my church) that would always keep up apart, no matter what else happened. It's tough but that's the choice I made a long time ago and I stick to it. I am grateful that Tyson and I are of the same faith because it makes our marriage stronger, our home happier, and our lives richer. I wouldn't trade that away for anything.

Comparisons

This is not a body post. This is a food post. A dessert post, in fact. Yum.

I have a serious issue with sugar. Without going in to deep, it's something I crave and then chastise myself for "giving in" when I should have more willpower.

Well, I consider tonight's outing to the grocery store a willpower mini-victory. Three cheers!

See, I originally went to the store for two reasons: 1) we needed milk and bread and 2) I was craving sugar and we had cake mix but we only had that coconut frosting people like on German Chocolate cake (blech) and that wouldn't do so I needed a different kind. Big life problems, right?

I got bread, milk, bananas, cream cheese frosting, and then I passed a display of Hostess cupcakes, complete with a warning sign that said something like "Due to high demand, we have limited quantities of Hostess products. Sorry." So I grabbed a two pack of those cupcakes. I went to the ice cream aisle to look at the Skinny Cow ice cream treat selections. This time I picked the Fudge Bar. I meandered through the candy aisle and picked up a box of Skinny Cow Divine Filled Chocolates: Caramel. 


As I went to check out I glanced at the calorie count for those Hostess Cupcakes: 330 for both cupcakes! Yikes. I didn't even like them that much. I stashed them with the gum at the checkout. The Fudge Bar is 110 calories and is pretty large. I haven't tried the candy yet but each pouch (three pieces to a pouch) is 130 calories. 

I feel proud that I put those cupcakes back and picked something a little bit better for me.

Baby steps, right?