It only took me seven weeks longer than most people, but I finally "announced" on Facebook that I am pregnant with Remy baby #2. I've known I was pregnant since I was three weeks along. Aside from Tyson, the first person who knew was my friend Annalise, who knew a day after I found out. Why did I tell her? She asked me when I might have another baby and I wasn't going to lie to her. But I wasn't going to tell ANYONE else until after my 12-week appointment.
When I was about 6 weeks along my mom came to town to visit. I had been having some nasty stomach pain and I finally couldn't take it anymore. I called my doctor and they had me go in for an emergency ultrasound just to confirm that I did not have an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic means the embryo implants in a fallopian tube instead of the uterus. Ectopic pregnancies can be fatal to the mother, they are rarely viable, and I was so scared. Luckily, and obviously, it was not an ectopic pregnancy. Instead I had an ovarian cyst that had sprung a leak and was oozing toxic fluid into my abdominal cavity. I did not expect that answer, at all. I've had cysts before but the last time it caused a problem the cyst ruptured and it was instant, horrible, I-might-be-dying pain. This time the toxic fluid was just in my stomach making me feel terrible all the time. All my doctor could do to help me was prescribe a pregnancy-safe pain pill and tell me to wait it out. Awesome.
So that's how my family found out. Then Tyson didn't think it was fair that my family knew and not his so we told his parents and siblings. I told my boss then too because I was super sick (not with morning sickness) and I needed to change my work schedule to a later start time.
Since then we've told only a couple of people on sort of a need-to-know basis or because they are our good friends. I thought that once I got to 12 weeks I would post something on Facebook since that's what I did with William.
But 12 weeks came and went and I wasn't ready to share.
This time around I've been having a lot of anxiety and fear associated with the pregnancy. Part of the issue is that everything went so well with William that I couldn't possibly get that lucky again. At least that's what people have said to me since William was born.
The other part of the issue is my life is just a bit crazy right now. I've posted about my grad school schedule but now, add giving birth to a baby. This baby is due around February 6 which is 4 weeks before my Spring I term ends and 12 weeks before I'm done with my master's degree. On top of that, Tyson just started back at BYU and his program is crazy difficult. It's been a long, hard road but he has one year left and then we'll be done. In a stroke of insane luck and probably divine intervention, he found a new student job at BYU in the same building where he has all of his classes. No more driving out to Vivint everyday and working until 11:30pm.
I had my most recent doctor's visit on Wednesday. Everything was fine except that my blood pressure was high. I've never had high blood pressure. Not even when I was in the hospital giving birth to William. Never. My doctor told me to try and not stress. I laughed at him.
Because of my anxiety I've been hesitant to share about my pregnancy. I'm still not sure that everything will be fine. When I look at all I have to accomplish before this baby comes and right afterwards I cannot see how I can possibly survive. And don't tell me to just have faith or hope or that everything will work out. I've been trying that and it's not helping much. And it's not super helpful to remind myself that I prayed about doing this master's program and we prayed about when to have another child. That only makes me feel like this is some kind of trial by magical fire. The expected things in my life are insane. I can't even fathom any unexpected things.
Aside from this post, I'm not sure I'll blog about my pregnancy again. We'll see. I've been writing posts on my personal blog (I can't do written journals) so I can look back and remember all the crazy things I've been dealing with. I hope that one day as I face another trial I'll be able to look back and say, "But look what you did! You finished a master's degree, worked part-time, took care of William, helped Tyson finish his program, and nobody died." That's all I want. That's not too much to ask, right?