28 July 2013

Doing Something New

I have struggled with my weight since fifth grade. I remember wearing a belt around the fullest part of my stomach and UNDER my clothes to make myself look skinnier. Since having William, things have gotten out of control and I am tired of feeling this way. With the support of my mom, and with the experiences of my three aunts and sister to depend on, I am starting a weight loss program called Medifast.
I'm not going to go into the program details but I wanted to jot down my goals. My coach, Alice, asked me a bunch of questions about why I want to lose weight and how I think I'll feel when I've reached my goal weight and I want to remember what I said.
Goal Weight(s): I believe in making smaller goals to help reach a larger goal. My first goal weight will be what I weighed the day after I gave birth to William (-20). Next is to weigh the same as when I got pregnant with William (-25). My next goal is to be what I was in high school and when I got married (-15). The goal after that is within the healthy BMI range, but, because of my body type I don't want to push myself to an unhealthy limit (-15). So, my end goal weight is -75 from what I am now. Alice asked how I will feel at that weight and I told her I didn't know since I've never been that small. In between seventh and eighth grade I gained almost 50 pounds. I am not sure exactly why that is, but from eighth grade until I got married I was the same weight, no matter what I did: marching band, swim team, swing dancing, and exercise classes.
Medifast is a reduced calorie plan. The estimated weight loss is 2-5 pounds for the first and second weeks each and then 1-2 pounds each week after that. If I follow those guidelines (and not more, which I might do more) I should be at my goal weight in 8 months, April 2014. What will life be like in April? Tyson should be graduating from BYU. I'll be finishing my second semester of grad school. William will be 2.5 years old! We might be preparing to move to a new place after Tyson's graduation. Lots could be happening in April. And 8 months makes it sounds far away, but thinking about all the things that will happen between now and then makes the goal seem closer.
And really, what is eight months in the scheme of my life? That's less than the time I was pregnant with William. Eight months is nothing compared to the years I have struggled with body issues and self-abuse. Eight months is nothing compared to the DECADES of healthy, happy living I look forward to. It's one day at a time and I'm scared. I'm scared I'll fail. I'm scared it won't work. I'm scared I'll be the exception and it won't work. I'm scared my willpower won't be enough to help me overcome my food comfort zone.
Just tonight I asked Tyson how old he feels. "Do you feel 25?" He laughed and said No. Most days I don't feel 24. Most days I feel over 30. I feel run down and cranky. I don't want to be that way anymore. A good friend of mine is doing a different weight loss program and we're excited to have a friend who can help us be strong and brave.
Some people just won't get this. The most they've ever needed to lose is 20 pounds. My doctor tested my blood for lots of stuff and all my hormonal, insulin, and organ levels are great. There is no medical reason for some of the problems I've been having. So, I can only attribute my issues to being overweight. I will be taking pictures for a before and after but I probably wont' be uploading them until the very end. Body issues, remember?
Anyways, it's going to be hard but I have a great support system. Please don't tell me that it won't make a difference or you don't believe the program will work. If you have encouraging words, I'll take those :) Wish me luck!


Chrystie said...

Congratulations! It is awesome that you are trying to get healthier, and I wish you nothing but success and happiness! Good luck, you can do it!

Muffy said...

You CAN do it Denise!!! I believe in you! I applaud you for wanting to be happy and healthy! You are such a wonderful example!

Caitlin said...

You got this, Deniche!! Food is my comfort zone too but I think once you see the results of your hard work (the hardest part is waiting for them) you'll find comfort in your new found confidence! So proud of you!!!

Laura said...

You can totally do this! Having been through it, let me just say this: The mental work is the hardest. And I'm not talking about the saying no to food you want. It's realizing that a lot of the issues that lead to being overweight have nothing to do with food and won't be fixed by losing weight. That said, the GREAT thing is that as you lose weight, you gain confidence to deal with some of those issues. And I will say this: The day I walked through a restaurant and realized that I didn't care if people were looking at me because I felt comfortable with how I looked? AWESOME!!! And that was when I still had about 20 pounds before my goal weight. Can't wait to hear about your fun discoveries as you go through this journey!