I know that there are some people who think depression is more of a personality choice rather than what it actually is: an illness. Depression is a scary thing. I think one of the reasons I just love the Bloggess (http://thebloggess.com/) is that she suffers from depression and anxiety and she's open about it. She helped me start to understand what is means to be clinically depressed and how that is different than being depressed.
My mom came up this weekend for a quick, surprise trip. As I was expressing some of my concerns and fears my mom said (paraphrase): You may want to consider how many children you can handle. It's okay to have one child. Don't feel pressured to have more just because your family or friends have more or say you should. Figure out what works best for you and Tyson.
This advice surprised me. My MOM was telling me that it's okay for me to maybe only have one kid. My MOM (and by extension, my dad) who teased me from when I went to college about hurrying up and having grandkids.
Some people might think that this is selfish, to not have more kids. I would say to them, be grateful you don't have the same mixture of problems that we have. Now, I'm not saying that we'll never have more kids. I am saying that I am in no rush to have another. Having kids close together works for some people. Some people say that you should have kids close together so they will have friends, or so they don't have only-child-syndrome, or any other number of reasons. I am saying that right now my family is dealing with something pretty challenging and I need to focus on my husband, William, and my master's program.
I am glad that no one has been saying anything directly to me like "So, when are you having more kids?" or "So-and-so is having another kid. What about you?" It's hard enough dealing with my altered family planning and trying not to get down on myself about not having another. I hope that things improve enough so we can have another someday. But if not, the Lord knows what is best for Tyson and me and we are trying to be more faithful that He will direct us where we should go and what we should do.