To Jordanelle and Back

I drove William up to Jordanelle State Park today. Tyson's family is camping there but I'm too busy with grad stuff to go and Tyson is getting ready for school to start on Tuesday. So, William is camping :)
To get to Jordanelle from Provo, we drove up Provo Canyon past Heber City. We left at 9pm so it was already dark. I don't like driving on mountain roads in the daytime. I HATE driving on mountain roads at night. It doesn't help that I have a really hard time seeing while I drive at night. It's actually pretty scary. After William was born I had my eyes checked and my right eye has a slight astigmatism. I have some glasses that I wear when I'm doing a lot of reading and there are supposed to help when I drive but they don't. Whomp.
As we were approaching Heber, there were some clouds above the mountains. Like this:

I made this in Paint :) So we were driving along when suddenly the clouds started looking like this:

It was so cool to see lightning up in the clouds like that! I don't think I've seen lightning do that before. It was amazing and distracting.

I got home just before 11pm. I'm so tired. I'm looking forward to getting some extra sleep and finishing up my homework and reading for the week.

Just Dance 4

I tried Just Dance 4 today. We have 1, 2, 3, 4, and the Michael Jackson Experience. Before today, Just Dance 2 was my favorite. 3 didn't appeal to me as much 'cause I think the songs are weird and the dances were interesting. 

But 4 is now a strong competitor for fave. Like the other versions, 4 has the "Just Sweat" option. However, they've added warm-up, in-between, and cool-down sections which totally reminds me of the aerobic dance classes I've taken. I loved it! The first one I did was "Electro Body Combat" which was like kickboxing plus cardio plus Jackie Chan plus Dragonball Z. Just ask Tyson. Some of the moves were like this:

The commentator sounded like this guy (2:20-whomever is voicing Jackie):

I also tried the "Sweat Around the World" which was basically Latin dancing for beginners. Which I am. I'm not a beginning dancer but I'm a white girl so my hips just don't move like that. It's the number one reason I don't do Zumba. Don't get me wrong: it was fun. Just don't expect to see me on America's Got Talent as the next greatest Latin dancer. Nope.

I haven't done Just Dance in a long time. I forgot how much FUN it is! I'm definitely gonna do this more often. Especially since it's a really good break when I have a forest of reading to get through.

When A Day Ends Right

So today was my second day as a grad student. It's weird because I don't feel any different although that probably is because I'm not taking classes in a classroom. I do feel a LOT busier. My little planner is maxed out every day. I wasn't sure how the coursework would be but I think as the semester goes on I'll get more used to it. Hopefully I won't be so intimidated by seeing ALL my readings and lectures and assignments all on Monday mornings. 

Today was also my audition for the Utah Valley Millennial Choir and Orchestra - Grand Chorus. I haven't auditioned for something in a long time. Last time I auditioned for a choir was for BYU Women's Chorus...and I didn't get it. But I've been faithful to ward choir and other opportunities. I miss singing in choir. Especially a BIG choir. I'm thrilled to be part (hopefully!) of something akin to ward choir on steroids. In fancy clothes. It's all faiths but they sing spiritual songs. That's what I love most about singing. Sure it's fun, but I love to sing with my testimony. It's so much easier for me to feel the Spirit when I sing.

Anyways, I woke up stressed and nervous. I had a TON of grad stuff to do and I was nervous about my audition. I went and got my hair styled which really helped me relax for a bit. My friend Estelle also auditioned tonight. She stopped by before my audition and let me sing for her. She praised me and made me feel a little more confident about my voice. I was still nervous though and I showed up 30 minutes early. Oh, well. Those waiting to audition were sitting in the lobby chatting. It was nice to meet some new people. 

My fancy hair and makeup :)

The audition itself was pretty short. Just some up and down scales and one of my two prepared hymns. We were asked to sing a non-soprano part in our range. I sang the tenor line for "All Creatures of Our God and King". They didn't have my sing the whole thing, which is usually a bad sign but they were trying to move quickly so I didn't feel badly. The UVMCO director, Cory Mendenhall, told me I have a beautiful voice. Brandon Stewart, one of the co-founders, told me he really liked my sound. I was shocked! I've never been in an audition where they've really liked my voice!

I'm not a soloist. I get stage fright so badly I mess up every solo I've had. (Okay, except this ONE time when I sang "His Hands" and my friend Steph signed it (ASL) in our single's ward. That was a fluke.) I myself couldn't believe how...together I sounded. I wasn't even shaking! This is a big step for me. After not having a lot of self-confidence for a long time, I feel pretty great right now. Add this to the fact that I have a good portion of my grad homework for this week done and I feel awesome! I haven't felt awesome in a while.

To keep it real: my grad stuff has sort of taken over so our apartment is a mess. I did fold two loads of laundry and I made fajitas for dinner and I took out the trash. But I did not do the dishes. I loathe dishes. I would rather eat on paper plates for the rest of my life than wash a dish. I realize that's totally unrealistic but that's how it goes.

Anyways, I love to sing and I love to sing praises to God and Christ. I am grateful for the gifts I've been given and I sure hope I get to add my talents to all the other people of the Millennial Choir and Orchestra.

New Beginnings

Today I started my graduate program from George Washington University. I am getting my master's degree in publishing. I have so much to do already; it's a little overwhelming.

All our assignments and lectures are posted on Mondays and we have all week to complete the readings and so forth. It just feels like SO much because it's all assigned at one time. This program is going to help me with my time management in a big way. BYU has little calendars I came to adore during my undergrad years so I'm using one again. I don't have a smart phone but I prefer to write stuff down anyway. I guess that makes me old-school? Not sure.
I did my weigh-in this morning and I'm at the same weight I was last week. That's 15 pounds down. Woot! I put on my black work pants today and they looked like parachute pants. Not lie. I could grab bunches of fabric at my thighs. It was pretty awful. Especially since I wore them to work anyway.
William had a rough day. He had a crazy blow out and then he got hold of my razor while I was bathing him and he cut his finger. Great. It bled a lot. The first band-aid didn't do anything. Within a few seconds his finger was dripping through the bandage. It's fine now but I panicked for a bit. He moves too fast for me.
Tomorrow I am auditioning for the Utah Valley Millennial Choir and Orchestra - Grand Chorus. I know one of the brothers who founded the Millennial Choir and Orchestra program: he was my high school choir teacher for two years and my family's home teacher. I'm pretty nervous about the audition but excited too. I'm still working on my a cappella piece. I keep going a half step flat. At least it's consistent, right? That's easier to fix than if I was jumping all over the place. 
I'm looking forward to my grad program and this new choral experience. I'm totally exhausted today but I'm hoping I can quickly adapt to this new schedule. It's only 7:49pm and I feel ready for bed. I'm going to do some readings and then peace out for the night.

Can I just say I'm super grateful for my life? I know it's not perfect and sometimes I can't believe I'm dealing with the stuff I've been given. But my husband and my son love me so much. I have an amazing family and super in-laws. I have some dear friends who always know what to say. My relief society is really reaching out to help our family and me. I'm so lucky. And most of all, I know God and Jesus love me. I feel their love so keenly when I'm singing praises to them. I've missed that experience so much and I cannot WAIT to be a part of that again.

Late Night Ramblings

Lately I've been watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory. I like it.

I deep cleaned most of our bathroom tonight. Still to do? Shower/tub and inside of the toilet. I even cleaned the baseboards and behind the washer and dryer.

A few months ago I had a doctor's appointment and he asked me how my sleep was. I told him fine. I think I might need to tell him it's not fine.

Tyson's new meds have been really helping him to sleep. This is a big deal since he NEVER sleeps like a regular person. Maybe he stole my sleep and gave me his. Dang it.

William is hilarious. I took another picture of him tonight in a weird sleeping position. I'll have to add it in later and I'll post it on Facebook. He's totally my kid.

I'm freaking out about my grad program.

I'm freaking out about Tyson starting his LAST YEAR at BYU in chemical engineering. I can't wait for him to be done. It's a high-stress, ultra-competitive major so I look forward to Tyson's graduation day. I'll probably be more excited about his day than I was for mine.

I have recently come to the astonishing realization that some people who I thought were really great friends are actually rather poor friends. I don't know what to do with that info other than just think about it some more.

Compassion goes a LONG way in helping someone cope with a problem. Good friends help with that.

Good friends are also not who you always expect. I think God has a hand in that. I mentioned that last week was a sort of living nightmare for us and some people from church really reached out and made me feel loved. It meant a lot to me.

William is going to be two soon. My baby isn't a baby anymore. He's officially a toddler. Admittedly, he still doesn't say very many words and that makes me nervous for his doctor's appointment. He says LOTS of stuff but only a few almost words or phrases. His favorites are (in William-ese) "Please", "I did it!", and my personal favorite, "Uh-oh" complete with rounded lips and a hand at his mouth. I need to capture a picture of that. It's hilarious and adorable all at the same time.

I'm making cupcakes at 1:30am. I don't plan to eat any but I can't sleep and I don't want to clean anymore and I don't want to fold more laundry although I probably should.

My new favorite scripture for the time being: Doc. & Cov. 128: 22-23

Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free.
Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!

Anyways, I am getting tired. Time for bed. Good night.

Medifast Update

Things have been up and down for our family the past week or so. Last week was CRAZY. Without going in to our family stuff, I basically lost it last week. I ate the Medifast food in the mornings but by the time I got home I couldn't handle all the stress anymore. I didn't handle it well. I handled it with Del Taco fish tacos and The Big Bang Theory. Not the most healthy, I totally know that. I'm just impressed that I didn't have a breakdown of some sort.

I gained three pounds last week. I am trying to find my motivation again. Today wasn't that great either. It's harder for me to be good at home. In the mornings I just grab my morning Medifast food so eating at work is no problem. I totally need to be better about my water intake. I think I'm going to buy a gallon of water and keep it in my fridge. That way I know if I drink all my water for the day.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to getting things back, well, I would say to normal but that doesn't seem like the right word.

A Nightmare

I haven't had a true nightmare for a really long time. Sure, I've had some scary dreams when I've been watching too much Supernatural but this was different.

I dreamed that someone was at my house watching William for me so I could take a nap. I suddenly wake up from my nap and the babysitter was watching TV and I can't find William. The bathroom door was open and I thought maybe he was throwing things in the toilet since he loves doing that. I go in the bathroom and he's not there. Then I notice the bathtub. It's full of water. Still water. I yank back the shower curtain to find William under the water. I frantically pull him out and start yelling at him and shaking him, "William! William, honey, wake up!" I yell to the babysitter "Call 911! Hurry!" Thankfully, he spits out some water, smiles at me, and gives me a big hug. 

Then I woke up. It was 4:30 this morning. William was still sleeping. I checked.

He's learning how to open doors and I think it's time to get those safety-knobs for the bathroom.

This has been a tough week. Really tough. I'm not getting enough sleep and my quality of sleep is really poor. I hope that I'll have some answers this afternoon and maybe I can sleep better tonight. I sure hope so.

Week 3 Weigh-in

This morning starts my third week on Medifast. I weighed myself this morning and I've lost another 3 pounds bringing my total weight loss to 13. I can't even believe it! My coach told me that the weight lost in the second week is less than the first but still. 13 pounds! 

I am 5 pounds away from the weight I was as soon as I delivered William.

I am 27 pounds away from my pre-baby weight.

I am 47 pounds from my 8th grade to marriage weight.

I am 62 pounds from my goal weight.

I put on my "skinny" jeans today and they fit perfectly. In fact, the one pair of jeans I've been wearing for months (that's right, one) are too big unless I wash them every day. So 3 pounds might not sound like a lot but it's sure making a difference.

This past week I struggled to drink all my water and I did have some Diet Coke which I've heard is okay. I don't usually drink soda so I think I won't do that again, just water. I'm still trying Powerade Zero but I haven't found a good dilution yet. Working on it!

Two weeks until I start grad school! I wonder how much more I'll have lost before then?

Books for Grad School! and other things

I bought the four books I'll need for my first semester of grad school! My friend Matt is going to the same school for a different program. The other day we were chatting about how surreal it feels to be going back to school. Like we know it's happening, but feel like it won't. It's weird. When I bought my books today, that felt real. Tyson complained that his books are so much more expensive than mine. All four books cost us less than $100 on Amazon. One of Tyson's books could be twice that amount. 

Yay for Humanities!

Here are the books I'll be reading this semester:

Book: A Futurist's Manifesto: A Collection of Essays from the Bleeding Edge of Publishing by Hugh McGuire (On Amazon)

The Book: The Life Story of a Technology by Nicole Howard (On Amazon) This one sounds like something I would have read as an undergrad if I had taken History of the Book. 

The Handbook of Journal Publishing by Sally Morris (On Amazon) This one is a reference book. A how-to of Journal Publishing. Should be interesting. It touches on lots of topics that I'll end up taking full courses on. That's the best thing about a grad program! It's no longer about broad understanding. Can I get a hip-hip for depth?

Publishing for Profit: Successful Bottom-Line Management for Book Publishers by Thomas Woll (On Amazon) This is also a reference book but this one covers the business end of publishing. Not what I'm interested in, at all. We'd talked about that in my fiction editing class at BYU and I was just bored. I love to copy-edit. That's my fav.

These books sound interesting. I got an email from the program director today. He gave us a heads up about what to expect for the program. It was much anticipated information and I'm so glad he sent it to me. He said we can expect about 3-5 hours per class per week so I'm looking at max 10 hours a week. This is great news since I'll be working 30 hours per week and mainly in charge of William and the house.

Tyson has got a crazy semester ahead of him. He's taking Physical Molecular Chemistry and some other hard chemical engineering classes I don't remember. But he is also taking the L3 exam which he has to get 100% to graduate. No pressure, right? It's 25 questions, no time limit. They get three chances. The first time they get all 25 questions. The next time they only get the ones they missed and same with the last time. These questions are rumored to be hellish and I totally believe it. 

In good news, Tyson will be done with classes after Spring term in June. He's so close! That also means that he'll be able to keep working at his campus job until August after he graduates unless he (HOPEFULLY) has a real-life job somewhere else. By the time he finishes I'll be almost done with my 3rd term of grad school. Half-way done! June sounds to far away but it's totally not.

A while ago I wrote a post about us waiting to try for another kid until after my grad program. Well, this past week we thought about it some more and since Tyson's going to be in school until June we thought "Hey! Why not start thinking about it? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad!" I love my OB/GYN and I loved the hospital I delivered at so why not have another baby here in Utah? I talked to my grad program director to see what the schedule was like since we do classes in three semesters a year: I'm doing school for two straight years. The longest break I get is three weeks at the beginning of August. Geez. Three weeks and then back to school and work with a three-year old and a newborn?! That sounds nuts. We're not sold on the idea and we're not even sure if that's what the Lord wants for us. But we are open to the idea so I guess that's a step in the right direction. Who knows what will happen. 

I'd love to reach my goal weight before getting pregnant again. It would be so different being pregnant at a healthy starting weight. I think it would be much better in the long run. Healthier all around. 

But, like I said, we're not sold on the idea of another kid. Although every time William gets around a baby, he's so sweet and gentle. It's adorable. He's adorable. Don't get me wrong, he has his genuine boy moments which mortify me but that's the way it goes, right?

Medifast: Day 10

Today I woke up groggy and with a headache. My mouth has been super dry despite the insane amounts of water I'm drinking. I tried Powerade Zero yesterday. Blech. It tasted like the syrup used on snow cones. Minus the snow. Tyson told me I should dilute it with water. It sort of helped. We're gonna keep trying to figure that one out. Here's today's meals:

1) Cinnamon Cereal

2) Parmesan Puffs

3) Cinnamon Cereal

4) Chocolate Chip Soft Bake

5) Chocolate Brownie

Lean) Chicken and broccoli

Would you believe that I ate the first four meals all before my lean meal? And that it's 7pm and I only have one meal left for today? I'm so proud of myself! I made it a point to eat every two hours and I got all my meals in today! Now if I can figure out the dry mouth thing... It's irritating. 

You may recall I tried the Parmesan puffs when I first started the program and I hated them. I got desperate and ate some today. They weren't as bad! I think it helps that I'm totally off sugar and bread so my tastes are starting to adjust.

My new food should be here tomorrow! Yay!

NFZ

WILLIAM DIDN'T TAKE A NAP TODAY

Note: For those of you who are not my dad, NFZ is nap-free zone.

Medifast: Day 9

Today was a pretty good day. William and I went to the park this evening. He had the whole place to himself, minus some young adult couples. Here's today's meals:

1) Mixed Berry Cereal
2) Brownie
3) Mixed Berry Cereal
4)
5)
Lean) Chicken and broccoli

The cereal-at-work thing is awesome. I had it again after work because it was quick and cold. My new food is coming! Hurray! It should be here next week. I can't wait.

The other day I steamed some broccoli and saved the extras. I love steamed veggies. I want to try making zucchini chips but it takes multiple hours and it's so hot in our apartment as it is, I don't want to contribute. I'll wait on that one until it cools down outside. I think I'll roast some veggies though. I still haven't tried cauliflower or spaghetti squash. I need to get on that. Many of the recipes I've found call for ingredients from Walden Farms. Do you know that brand? I can't seem to find them anywhere here! It's too bad because I could make some yummy stuff but I need that brand. I'll have to do some calling. Maybe Target carries it. Our Target is posh.

Non-Nesting

Today I sort of went nuts. I wasn't feeling well so I stayed home from work. But I didn't actually lay around all day. I had to pay rent and go to the store and get Tyson from work and we had to return some stuff to Home Depot. When we got home I decided I was going to re-organize William's room. Why? Who knows.

I pulled out all his toys and clothes to sort through after he was asleep. I vacuumed his room (no more crushed up Cheezits!) and moved around some of his furniture. I also determined which items we needed to store at my in-law's home: crib, recliner, and end table. Removing those three items from William's room will make a huge difference in there. We wanted all his toys stored in one place. Now that he's older, he doesn't play with all his little toys. I'm in the process of sorting through them and trying to decide if we should keep the old toys and store them, or donate them to Deseret Industries (the Mormon version of Goodwill or other thrifty stores). 

I'm going to do the same thing with William's clothes. He has lots of wintery things from last year that I'm pretty sure aren't going to fit him again this year. Except we'll be storing all his clothes. If my sister-in-law Amber is correct in her prediction (she's 4-4 now*), my next baby will be a girl and then I'll have twin boys. So, hypothetically, we're going to need all the boy clothes we can get!

Tyson thinks I'm clearing out William's room to make space to set up the crib. He thinks my subconscious is ready for another baby. I laugh at him.

*Amber has correctly guessed the gender of my baby and of all three of my other sister-in-law's babies before we found out the gender. It's a bit creepy. But I'd love to have a girl next so I'm good with it...unless that twins thing is true. Heaven help me.

Medifast: Day 8

Today marks a full week of being on Medifast. I'm 10 pounds down. My natural waist looks slimmer to me. I woke up still feeling sick. Ugh. My nose is running like a crazy person. Some day I'll get a nasal lavage system and it will solve all my nose problems :) Here are today's meals:

1) Cinnamon Cereal

2) Cinnamon Pretzel Sticks

3) Chicken Noodle Soup

4) Chicken and Wild Rice Soup

5) None

Lean) Spicy Chicken Cesar salad from Wendy's - half-size

You might notice that I've been eating a less than shocking variety of food lately. My next batch of food isn't here yet. I'm excited for when it gets here because that means I'll have meal bars! That will make the mornings SO much easier. It's getting almost impossible for me to keep up eating the Medifast food at work because 1) it takes a while to prepare and 2) I am running out of microwave or eat-it-dry food! I hope the new food comes soon!!

I think I'm gonna go back to the gym. I miss it. Sorta. It will be good for me to go walk on the treadmill or do some weights, still taking it easy for the next two weeks. It'll also be good for William who needs some more kid-to-kid interaction in his life. It's hot here so it's hard to go outside to play all day. At the gym he gets to run like a wild man for 30 to 60 minutes a day. For this week, I'm gonna do 30 minutes a day. Sunday I started doing hip lifts again. Good glory! Yeah, those are good for your abs but they KILL my lower back. My back muscles are still pathetic from when I had William. Mind you, they are significantly better but not anywhere close to what they should be. I have a lot of lower back strain and I think it's because my muscles aren't developed enough to support the extra weight. So as I lose weight and work out those muscles I hope my back pain will decrease.

I was posting these blog posts late every night or first thing in the morning so I could have a complete list of my meals. But frankly, I don't like that. I like having my computer off and done earlier at night so I'm going to post these entries incomplete at first. Don't worry, I'll update them the next day. I just don't like feeling tied to my computer.

You might think these posts are silly but it's cathartic for me to blog-whinge about my days on Medifast so I can remember what it was like. And so other people can know what it's like. Good news, though. If you don't like these posts, you can skip them!

Medifast: Day 7

I mentioned in another post that I slept in until 11am today. Geez.

I got up immediately made my first meal. Here's the list:

1) Pancakes as waffles
2) Tomato soup as flatbread
3) Cinnamon Cereal
4) Eggs
5) None
Lean) Salad with chicken and broccoli

As the day went on I felt more and more sick. I had to choke down those eggs at around 10pm. I've had a summer cold for a while now but it escalated all day. Bleh.

Other than that, it was a great day. We spent some time as a family just lounging around and playing with William. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sleeping Habits Lately

The last two nights I haven't been able to sleep until 1am or 2am. Since it's the weekend, Tyson has been taking care of William in the morning so I could sleep. Yesterday I didn't get up until 9:30am and today I didn't get up until 11am. Seriously. It doesn't help that last night I was having serious muscle issues with my left shoulder blade. 

This had better not be a habit. Tomorrow is going to be rough! Maybe I'll take some Melatonin at like 8pm so I can get to sleep earlier and be up for work on time.

So, I Cheated...

I know I said I was going to weigh myself on Mondays but I was just so curious so I weighed myself this morning as soon as I woke up and...

I've lost 10 pounds! That's actually 15 pounds down from my heaviest weight. 

I can't believe it. My coach told me that it would work but I guess I was still skeptical. Not freaking anymore!!

I have 18 pounds to go until I reach what I weighed after I gave birth to William. 
Then I start on the baby weight. That's 35 pounds from where I am now to what I weighed when I found out I was pregnant.
Then I start on the "married" weight. That's 50 pounds from where I am now to what I weighed when Tyson and I got married. It's also how much I've weighed since 8th grade.
My goal weight is 15 pounds less than that so 65 pounds from my weight now.

From the conversations I've had with my coach and seeing other people's loss time lines, I gather I will be at my goal weight in April. It sounds like a long time but 8 months is NOTHING compared to the years I have to look forward too. 8 months is less time than I was pregnant with William. In April, Tyson will graduate from BYU and I will have finished my second semester of grad school. Crazy.

Medifast: Day 6

Note: I write these posts all day long, as I eat my meals. Keep that in mind. I started writing this post at 9:50am. Maybe I should put in section breaks. Hmm...I'll think about it.

Good morning! Tyson let me sleep in so I didn't even get out of bed until almost 8:30am. I decided last night that I was going to try some of the "recipes" you can make from the Medifast packets. Here's what I made today:

1) Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal as a waffle
2) Chicken and Wild Rice Soup - added chicken bouillon
3) Chicken and Noodle Soup as chips
4) Cinnamon Cereal
5)
Lean) In N Out Hamburger: Protein Style

Oatmeal as a waffle: YUMMY :) My coach told me that it takes longer to cook than a regular waffle but I guess I didn't wait long enough. The outside looked done but the inside was still the consistency of oatmeal. So it wasn't bad. Add in the sugar-free syrup I got to have and YUM! I was surprised. I'm kinda particular about my oatmeal. I don't do instant, only Old Fashioned Quaker Oats. I add sprinkles of cinnamon and nutmeg (it's like Christmas morning in a waffle) and I prefer homemade maple syrup or fruit syrup, like strawberry. But the Medifast way is good too. Really! Sorry. But I'm totally shocked when I like something the first time around. The food gets better the more my tastes change so I'm feeling very hopeful about the oatmeal/waffle scenario.

I found THIS recipe to try and make the chicken soup as chips. I didn't have parchment paper so I used aluminum foil instead. So I reduced the cook time from 10 minutes to 7 minutes. It wasn't quite done so I put it back in for 5 more minutes. Well the aluminum didn't really work out. The dough stuck to it so instead of chips I had small to large size crumbles haha They were good though! I need to get some parchment paper and then I'll try this one again.

For dinner I had a protein style hamburger from In N Out. I LOVE that place. Turns out, the whole smell is from the bread. They gave me my burger and as I drove home I couldn't even smell the food on the seat next to me. So weird! It didn't even taste weird. Tyson says he likes protein style better than regular. Although, he's not a fan of In N Out in the first place. Protein style is definitely messier but I still feel full after eating. I don't have that pressure against the upper part of my stomach though which is great! Maybe this whole "no bread" thing will help my acid reflux. Huzzah! 

I just finished eating my lean-and-green at 8:30pm. I still have two meals to go! Ugh. This is the hardest part about the Medifast program. I'm not supposed to miss meals but I am just not hungry. I don't want to get in trouble and I don't want my body to go into starvation mode so I know I need to eat all six meals in a day. That's what I get for sleeping in. I'm going to have to combine the last two somehow. Maybe do another waffle? And eggs? You'd like that each meal wouldn't feel me up so much seeing as how they're only about 100 calories a piece. But each one is glycemically (sp?) balanced and I'm getting all my protein and other nutrients. When I eat a 100 calorie meal, it's 100 calories that matter. Not 100 calories of sweets, or bread, or Wheat Thins, or Cheezits, or ice cream. My body is learning to utilize all the calories I intake since there are no fluff calories. It's great. Really. 

I'm interested to see what I've lost in this first week. I decided, for now, to weigh in on Monday mornings. I'm not going to share what I weigh, but I will share how much I've lost and how much I have until I reach my goal weight. Once I'm at my goal weight, then you can know how much I weigh right now.

July Photos

Here are some photos from my phone from July:

 William, sleeping in a laundry basket, wearing my headband, holding a piece of bread. Silly boy.

 He just loves to watch movies.

 William came to visit me at work!

 William's first time really enjoying the Fourth of July. Sparklers with the Roberts family!

 We went to Station 22 for a late lunch. Tyson had the Chubby Checker. It's a hamburger with pulled pork and onion rings. It was huge!

I had the Memphis Chicken Sandwich. Fried chicken and red cabbage with bourbon sauce on a ciabatta roll. BEST fried chicken I've ever had. To die for!

Tyson's 25th Birthday

Tyson turned 25 this month! Hurray! Before we left for our family reunion we went to Chili's for lunch as a family. We had friends over when we got home from the reunion for games and brownies with ice cream. Yum! 

Happy Birthday, babe!

Third Anniversary

Tyson and I celebrated our third anniversary on July 16th. We went to the Tracy Aviary in Salt Lake City, had lunch at The Pie by the University of Utah with my friend Estelle, and then had dinner in Layton with the Salty Dinner Theater. Here are some pictures:

Sister Jane

My sister is serving a mission for our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She'll be gone for 18 months. I finally got the photos off my camera so I wanted to post the ones we took the day/day before she went to the MTC (Missionary Training Center).

I love this picture. Jane and William are buddies :) They all look so happy!!

Blink

I've been re-watching season 3 of Doctor Who since everyone hates Martha and I never watch season 3 and I wanted to give her another shot. I started with the Shakespeare episode since I've recently seen the hospital one. Now I'm on Blink.

The episode starts fairly, ya know, passe. A rock gets thrown by a statue and I immediately feel my heart start to race and I get goosebumps. I know what happens in this episode and I'm still freaked. Now that's a scary monster, right?

I'm FREAKING OUT!!!

Medifast: Day 5

Today was a hard day. We were supposed to go camping with our ward but I'm out of dry, non-powdered Medifast food. This means I need a microwave or stove to eat. I'm bummed that we couldn't go camping. It would've been so much fun.

Meals for today

1) Cinnamon Cereal
2) Eggs
3) Cinnamon Pretzels
4) Tomato Soup as pita/flat bread
5) Chocolate chip soft bake. I'm scared of the pudding :P
Lean) Chicken and spinach chop salad

Tomato Soup: I'd heard from a few people that making the soup into a pita/flat bread was the only way to eat it. I don't think I made mine thin enough but it didn't taste terrible. I ate it with some Laughing Cow Skinny Swiss Cheese. Yum :) CHEESE!

I tried to do chicken in the oven and it didn't turn out so I finished the rest on the stove. I seasoned it with splashes and dashes of lime juice, black pepper, cayenne, and cumin. It was tasty! From now on I'm going to cook my chicken on the stove or on the grill, not the oven.

I'm extra tired today. I was up really late because I took a nap yesterday afternoon. So even though I'm EXHAUSTED I'm trying to stay awake so I can sleep tonight.

I think tomorrow I'm going to try the oatmeal as a waffle. I've heard positive things about that. If it goes well I can add it to the routine :)

My Reasons

I thought I should take a mo' and jot down the reasons why I'm trying to lose weight, be more active, eat better, and be healthier. This weight-loss plan is tough and I need some self-motivation to keep it up over the weekend.

1) I want to feel self-confident again.
2) William is an active boy and I need to keep up with him. I want to do fun, active things but my weight sometime prohibits my participation.
3) My body isn't healthy. My mind is struggling. If I'm going to do this master's program, I'm going to need my mind and body to be healthy so I can be successful.
4) I want to take control of my eating habits. I am an emotional eater and I want to change that. I want to be skilled at handling hard things without seeking comfort in food.
5) I want to dance again and not be embarrassed, but feel proud.
6) I want to take chances and try new things, but I feel judged for my size.
7) I want to lead a healthier lifestyle and influence my family to make good choices too.
8) I don't want to be addicted to sugar.
9) I want to actually see myself as beautiful and sexy and believe it. Not just take Tyson's word for it. I want to feel it.
10) I want to make these changes now so that the rest of my life can be lived freely and joyfully.

This is a hard thing for me. It's a whole new mindset. Sometimes, I feel excluded. Social eating, you know? That's a big part of the Mormon culture and I worry about participating because I don't want people to judge me. It seems counter-intuitive to blog about this is a public way when really all I want is to lose weight and then emerge a more confident person in a few months. Like, suddenly I'm not overweight! Ta-da!

But no. 

I am doing something to change my life for the better. The Medifast program is backed by my doctor and my family. I know there are some people who don't believe in these sorts of programs and to them I say that I hope you are always in control of your body and you never need to lose a significant amount of weight. It's hard. It's embarrassing for me. I am taking a leap of faith, trusting that if I do my part, this program will help me be a healthier person. I have faith in my family, who love me more than anyone. They have done it and so can I. They are my cheering squad! 

I don't need to be told that dieting is bad, or wrong, or that I'll just gain it back. This weight-loss phase of the program is just that: a phase. The Medifast program teaches you how to transition from the 5 & 1 program back to regular food. It teaches you about portion control, healthier choices, and changes the way you think about food. Already I feel stronger emotionally. I don't need an ice cream bar. It won't make me feel better about myself.

I decided to blog about this openly because it's therapeutic for me. This blog is like my journal. I want to remember how I felt and what I thought in the moment, not months later. I need to know now what my motivation is for doing this program. I have already seen and felt the effects of the program and I'm excited to continue in this journey. For now, while my body is adjusting to less calories, I've been told not to exercise. I do take the stairs at work though. I bet when I get to start exercising I'll feel even better. For now, I am doing my best to remember why I am choosing this path. I never want to feel this way again. I want to be comfortable in my body and not be scared of how people perceive me based on my size.

Medifast: Day 4

Here are my meals for today:

1) Cinnamon Cereal

2) Cinnamon Pretzels

3) Eggs

4) Cinnamon Pretzels

5) Brownie

Lean) Wendy's Salad

Cinnamon Cereal: I don't have a lot of time to eat at home in the morning since I don't like waking up early :) So today I took the cereal and almond milk with me to work. I was really nervous about the cereal because I had tried this one dry and hated it. I had also tried the Triple Berry Cereal with cow's milk and I also hated it. My coach told me that letting the cereal soak in the almond milk helps it so I did that. The first few bites were weird but then it was find! Hurray! Something else I can eat!!

Eggs: I found a pin on Pinterest with tips about these eggs. Instead of cooking it in the microwave I cooked it on the stove, like normal eggs. Here's a tip: I let the egg powder soak for 30 minutes before I cooked them. Here's another tip: These cook WAY fast. Mine turned into an egg crepe! Next time I'll lower the heat so it'll be more like scrambled eggs. I also put 1TB of medium salsa on the eggs. I don't know if that blocked any weirdness but they tasted fine. Aside from looking like an egg crepe. I'm pretty shocked at how normal it was to eat those. I loved to make scrambled eggs with salsa and black beans. The Medifast eggs tasted just like that, minus the beans.

Today is the first time I'll be away from home for a long time. Tyson got off work early today so we drove up to Ogden so he can get his shot early; we're going camping with our ward tomorrow so we can't do it this weekend. My lean meal was supposed to be at 5:30pm but we were at my in-laws' house and they didn't have anything I could eat for my lean and green. Everyone else had Costco pizza. We started our way back to Provo and I finally got to eat at 7pm. I keep eating the pretzels because I don't have to cook them or eat them with milk. When I get the bars I won't be eating pretzels multiple times a day. Honest!

Yesterday was a hard day. My boys had chili for dinner and I was so tempted but didn't give in. I'd also like to mention that I have regular vanilla ice cream and chocolate Skinny Cow and caramel Skinny Cow bars in my freezer that I haven't been tempted to eat AT ALL :)

My coach told me to drink some Powerade Zero. I'm not a Gatorade or Powerade fan so I haven't tried that yet. But last night my hips and legs were sore so if it doesn't get better than I will have to.

Like I've mentioned before, my aunts have done or are doing Medifast too. They've got some really great tips and tricks which is nice. They said to take the Tomato Soup and turn it into a pita. I'll have to look up how to do that but it'd be cool since I've heard that this particular soup is gross. I guess the Chicken Noodle Soup can be used as chips. Weird. I'll have to try it out. I can't wait to get some bars. They have 

I still haven't tried my cauliflower as something else. I'm nervous about it. 

What I am missing most: BREAD. Seriously. I have a friend doing Weight Watchers who is the same. She always told me that bread was her biggest weakness. All I want is a warm roll with mashed potatoes and gravy. Mmm...

Medifast: Day 3

I'm still not having any headaches. I don't feel especially tired. Am I doing this wrong?

I decided that in the mornings I'm going to eat stuff I know I like. I will try new stuff in the afternoons where I can get something else if I hate it. Three of my aunts have done Medifast so they've been helping me understand what it's like for a while. I guess my pancake experience from yesterday wasn't that unique.

Yesterday I bought three bags of chicken breast. Today I'll be baking some of these and the rest I'll be separating into smaller packages so I can defrost a bit at a time for my lean and green meals. I also bought cauliflower yesterday. I've heard it can be a substitute for rice or mashed potatoes. I think I'm going to do a mock fried rice today or tomorrow for my lean and green. I bought egg beaters so that'd work for my lean.

Here's what I had today:

1) Chocolate Chip Cookie
2) Cinnamon Pretzels
3) Beef Vegetable Stew
4) Chocolate Chip Cookie
5) None
Lean) Chicken breast spinach salad with zucchini and grape tomatoes.

Only thing new was the beef vegetable stew which I had a hard time eating. William seemed to like it though. I tried to eat as much as I could.

I weighed out 6-oz of chicken breast and cooked it on the stove. Spritzed it with lemon juice and ate it on a bed of spinach leaves with veggies. It was good. The dressing I picked at the store is too much for me. I tried to use 2TB like I'm supposed to but it drowned my salad. Then I realized I only had 2 greens instead of 3: 1 cup of spinach when I was supposed to do 2. Whoops.

I'm still drinking lots of water and trying to be brave when it comes to new food. I don't feel hungry ever. It's weird. I used to not eat until I was hungry so it's hard for me to eat all the time.

I forgot to take a bag to work which is why I missed one meal. My bad. Tomorrow will be better.